Tag: one year down

First Anniversary – The Present

We recently celebrated our first anniversary and it was nothing that we planned we’d do on the day yet it was perfect.

13502053_1053374738051787_4527000052151427427_n.jpg

One year to this day of posing and not letting rukhsati happen till I’ve had my fair share of biryani

Faizan and I decided to keep it low key. Do a small lunch with the family (never happened!), go to our favorite place for dinner (never happened). He decided he’ll take the day off from work (He did, but had to go at the last minute due to a work emergency). We weren’t sure if we wanted to exchange gifts but then we though that first wedding anniversary will only come once, so why not.

16010500_10202943704630916_2115007620_o

Exhibit A of why we will always remain fat ūüôā

I initially decided to get him some stuff that he liked and wanted but something or the other kept on happening and my plan kept of getting screwed. I had saved up money and knew exactly what I wanted to get him till I figured he didn’t need it. His present BLEW ME AWAY (Not going to say here what it was, instead will do a post on that here soon. If you follow me on snapchat or insta you already know what it is!) and that’s when I realized the only thing important in a present its the emotional and sentimental value that goes into a present and not how fancy it is or the monetary value.

capture

So I got him a box full of stuff that he loves to eat (all sorts of chips, chocolates, ice creams, cookies etc) and I made him a coupon book.

Capture2.JPG

I gave myself a hell lot of work through this coupons. Things you do for love.

So basically it consisted around 10 coupons that he can redeem at any time. I put in stuff he likes doing/does not like doing so I can do them etc and he LOVED it (The most important thing of course!). Super easy to make and extremely valuable without tearing a hole in your wallet. All you need is a sketch book sheet/chart paper that you can cut into any shape you want for the coupons, markers and a brain. hehe. It can be easily made for birthdays, anniversaries etc and not just for your husband/wife but for anyone. Could be for your parents, your siblings, friends etc.

abc

I made tiny drawings too. Hehe.

Will do a separate post on his present soon because its insane, I love it too much and it deserves a post of its own. See you then.

One year later – What I learned (Part II)

As promised, I nagged Faizan till he gave up and decided to have a conversation with me about everything that he learned during the past one year as a married person.If you missed the post I did about my learnings, you can find it here.

So without wasting anymore time, I’ll get to his part right away.

Me: TELL ME WHAT YOU LEARNED DURING THIS PAST YEAR
Faizan: Ask me questions
Me: NO FAIZ. Just tell me. 
Faizan: Tell you what?
Me: EVERYTHING YOU LEARNED.
Faizan: Okay. let me think.
Me: NO. NOW. (I am so annoying uff taubah.)

Now that you know the background, I’ll get down to what he said:

12669623_10201520381608730_4932731000725048634_n

Even shared some important secrets with Fauzia at our valima. I take this very seriously. LOL.

1. Communicate – At All Times
Communication is the key. Make sure you share everything about your day with your partner. Make them feel more involved in all parts of your life even the ones they don’t necessarily understand too well. Don’t hide anything thinking that the person might get mad or pissed off, tell them right away. How they react might just surprise you. Knowing that the person can completely trust you and you can completely trust them makes married life a lot more easier. No secrets, no matter what.

15857128_10202898639584318_1534777211_o

If you don’t give her love, ¬†there is a high chance she will fall in love with an international superstar.

2. Respect And Love Your Wife
Its something so basic, but so so important in any marriage. You get respect when you give respect. your wife is not just any other person, its something you are bound for life with, in order for her to be happy, she needs and deserves to feel safe, loved and respected at all times. Do not cross the line, never say anything that would hurt her deeply or hurt her at all. You know what they say, happy wife = happy life and who doesn’t want a happy life eh?

12321206_10201757818424502_4336462620538076890_n.jpg

Happy father in law = Happy wife = Happy Me.

3. Accept Her Family As Your Own
Its different for boys when it comes to accepting the wife’s family. The girl usually moves in and its just a matter of time before she learns to care and love for our families like she does her for her own because they spend so much time together, living in the same house. However, since our interaction with the in laws is relatively limited (I am talking from my own experience, being in a different city) it takes a little more time. ¬†Be nice to them. Respect them like your own family. And NEVER EVER say anything mean or hurtful about them anywhere. Not to your wife, not to your friends, not to your own family, not even to yourself. Its just wrong and extremely hurtful to them and your partner.

14330174_10202385179268131_5355510208526420527_n

You can appreciate the person anyway you want. This is how I do it.

4. Appreciate. Always Appreciate.
Its very easy to get stuck in a cycle where your wife does everything for you and you just make it a part of your routine and don’t acknowledge it as something nice/special. Wrong. Always appreciate, even the smallest of things. She has the option of not bringing you breakfast but she does that herself rather than simply asking the maid or asking you to do it yourself. Appreciate that. I have a very hectic work schedule (most of you know that, thanks snapchat!) but not once did Fauzia ever complain because she understands but if she didn’t I would make her understand and then appreciate her for being so patient. I have always been so at peace from that side that I never had to worry about late sittings. I never said it enough initially but now I make it a point to do that and I can see her mood change entirely just by hearing those few nice words.

12144788_10156091121790494_6407787472856694085_n.jpg

I think I’ll sue her soon for snapchatting me all the time without consent. Just kidding. Or am I..

5. Be Supportive
Its pretty self explanatory, the statement, so I’ll share our own story with you here. Fauzia is a full time blogger now. Blogs are very slow and it takes along time before you establish a proper audience and monetize your work. She has always been extremely career oriented (which is one of the things I love about her) and worked at some really amazing places, being independent, earning a lot of money. From that to completely switching to this seemed a little weird and even I couldn’t understand it though my own sister did the exact same thing. People don’t see blogging as a real career here in Pakistan and in all honestly neither did I. But then I saw her passion for it and how invested she was into this whole thing. I started reading all her posts regularly, liking them to show my appreciation and very often gave her feedback, both good and bad. I really like how she feels confident enough about choosing this field now and it shows how every time I take a stand for her or I tell her how much I liked something she posted she gets more motivated. Goes on to show how much a husband’s support means to a wife and I hope I¬†support her the same way in all her life and career decisions.

1157664_3465746859718_1420053818_n

Travel, even if its just an incredibly fun road trip to Multan.

6. Travel Together
You learn so much about a person when you travel with them. It doesn’t have to be abroad or to an expensive, fancy place. Anywhere works. Just take out the time, save some money and go travel.

10388098_4341448991724_5103149151531688367_n

Our quality time requires a lot of random face making and pictures.

7. Spend Quality Time Together
For someone with a busy work schedule its not easy to do much together on a daily basis.So what you should do is find that one thing that you both have in common and commit to it. Like watching an episode of your favorite TV show before sleeping, going out for a small drive, go get juice or coffee or ice cream, play one hand of cards. This time is essential for you both as a couple and also helps you forget about your stressful day and makes your partner happy. Makes up for all the lost time and its really easy to do too.

10421286_4341493832845_581318628084754201_n

Throwback to an awesome Kings of Leon Concert we attended back when we used to be young and cool. LOLOLOL

8. Remember, Being Married is a LOT Of Fun
I remember how before getting married I often felt really worried about all the responsibility that was coming with the wife, but Alhamdulillah having a good partner in life really washes away all these concerns. I married my friend, someone who loves and understands me at all times and that makes me realize how much difference a good wife can make in your life. Doing small things together everyday, watching movies, ordering food, fighting over who fills the water bottle at night, just sitting and discussing world issues or watching funny videos on youtube – everything is fun. I’d do it again if I could (before she subjects me to domestic violence)¬†with Fauzia of course. LOL.

13592413_10202119187498503_3048796337690498500_n.jpg

Hello, goodbye!

9. Be proud of being her husband
Introduce her to your friends, your colleagues. Be proud of the person that she is. Accept her with all her flaws and all the differences. Accept her importance in your life as a partner, a friend, a guide.

Thats it from me. Its all pretty generic, but I hope you people enjoy and learn something from it! Bye now.

1 Year Later – What I learned.

Before I begin this piece, I want to clarify that whatever you read below is based on my personal experience and thought process. I completely understand that people lead different lives and not everyone will be able to relate and understand so when we reach that point, we will just move on accepting that fact and if there is something in there you really don’t believe in then we will just agree to disagree. Okay?

15824011_10202898638624294_1146091294_o.jpg

Happy New Year from us to all you party peopleeee!

Alhamdulillah celebrated our first anniversary earlier this month (by celebrated I mean stayed home in our night suits,  watched a comedy TV series and ordered chinese. Our kind of thing) and its still feel unreal. I am still kind of in denial about being married so naturally being married for an entire year feels very very weird. haha. Anyway.

This one year has taught me a lot and I’d like to share some things that I found were key to my happiness and peace during these past 365 days.

15824640_10202898637184258_338204297_o.jpg

His face when he figured how lucky he is in life.  And please note my eyes full of love for my brand new husband.

  1. Post Marriage Life is Nothing Like a Rom-Com Movie
    Be realistic. Many girls expect that their husbands are going to be be their sides all day and night, taking care of everything no matter what time of the day it is or what circumstances are. Husbands go to work. They have responsibilities. They have the kind of stress we don’t have to deal with, so if they don’t live up to your movie like expectations, be understanding. If you give him shit for coming late from work, he will get even more frustrated than before because its not like he is sitting their by choice. Same goes for men. If your wife works, give her the respect she deserves and give her time to settle into both roles (Wife and an employee) and if she doesn’t work, please understand that doesn’t mean she spends the entire day in bed watching her favorite dramas, there are a million things to do through out the day, so think twice before you start complaining about things. (Please know in no way do I mean life isn’t great. Its freaking awesome. Promise. The only thing I am saying is that its not movie like.)

    15820991_10202898639224309_846283110_o

    The day after the shaadi. When I used liquid eye liner for the second time in life, applied blush on using a tissue paper (notice the weird cheeks) and Faizan looked as pyara as ever.

  2. Set Realistic Expectations
    This is the best advice I got before getting married and this is the best advice I can give you. When a girl goes into a new house she feels like she needs to be perfect. Whether its clothes, makeup, cooking, spending time with the in-laws. But what we don’t understand is that everyone around us then starts believing that this is how we are going to be forever. Which is not possible, not everyone can wake up super early daily and put on makeup before having breakfast every single day for the rest of their lives. Be yourself from day 1. Not saying don’t dress up in the beginning. Do that, do that for a week. 2 weeks tops. But then start getting into your normal routine and state so that you are accepted for who you really are. Even with your behavior, be yourself, dont pretend to be someone you can’t be in a few weeks.

    15820569_10202898637624269_515649388_o

    I realized we only took selfies this entire year. No insaan k bachay wali normal pictures.

  3. Dont Dwell on Tiny Issues
    In the beginning, brides tend to be super emotional. They miss their home, their families (specially if they move to another country/city) so basically we are emotionally unstable whether we like/believe it or not.There will be some very small and stupid things that will bother us. But create a system in your head that starts beeping every time you are being unreasonable and stop right there. Give it a thought before you go on shouting or picking up an unnecessary fight with your husband. Chances are you will get over it within minutes. Otherwise you are an idiot – sorry, but its true. Realize how tiny the issue is or you will regret it later.

    15817620_10202898848629544_380269243_o

    Happy people. Alhamdulillah.

  4. Give Love to Get Love
    Always remember, your husbands family is now yours too. You need to treat them like your own. Think of his siblings and parents as yours too because they are extremely important and they play a huge role both your lives. My mother in law and I often discuss how people live together but find flaws in each other on purpose and create issues. When you HAVE to live together, why not live happily? Why not give them the love and respect you would give your own family? Respect is earned. You won’t get it in a day and your in laws can’t expect that within a day either. It takes time, but it happens. From day 1, make it a rule to think of them like your own and before you know it, you will grow to love and care for them in the exact same way.

    15824262_10202898858749797_622359285_o

    Sent shameless ugly selfies to Faizan through out my America trip because ab tou phans chuka hai

     

  5. Give Each Other Space
    Faizan’s FIFA habits annoyed me to an unbelievable extend but I eventually realized its a part of his “ME” time and I accepted his PS4 as his other wife who he needs every now and then. Also, spending time apart is very difficult, but it gives you perspective and also helps you realize how much you need the other person in your life. Earlier this year I had to go to USA for a cousins wedding and Faizan couldn’t come along because of his work commitments, then later in the year he went with a friend to Turkey for his bachelor trip (which made me highly uncomfortable for a bit but then I was like what the hell is wrong with me and I gave him my blessings), both trips apart bought us closer together and even though at the time it felt like a pain, I am glad we took those trips.

    15824443_10202898857869775_1195427435_o.jpg

    Hi.

  6. Decorate your own space, slowly.
    One of the best experiences you will have post wedding is when you decorate your own room/portion/apartment/whatever you have. Most girls get their rooms done entirely before moving in. What I did was simply send in the furniture and then when I came here, I did the setting and accessorizing. It took a lot of time (I am still no where near what I want this place to look like!) but its great fun. And the best thing is doing it with my husband. We go together to find lamps and rugs and photo frames. When he gives me his input it makes me feel extremely happy to see him involved in the entire process. Its a part of memories you make along the way and it feels absolutely amazing.

    15857147_10202899168917551_33088839_o.jpg

    Throwback to when I made a shit load of food for Faizan’s birthday ¬†dinner and forgot to take a decent picture. Just wow.

  7. Do Things That Make You Feel at Home
    Its difficult to imagine yourself living in a place other than the comfort of your own home and then suddenly over night you are in an new environment with a new family and a husband. Sometimes it gets too overwhelming and it becomes hard to settle in. In that case start doing things that you would do in your own house. Don’t be embarrassed to open the fridge at 3 am or order food. Its your own house now and you should be able to do that. I started cooking as soon as I got here because that’s what made me feel most comfortable at my parents house. When I found my way around the kitchen, knowing where all the masala’s are and where all the pots and pans are, I started feeling at home.

    15856986_10202898636584243_1138855504_o

    In this one year, I watched more movies than I did in my entire pre married life. All because of this guy.

  8. Learn and Accept Everyday
    Even if you get married to a person you’ve been dating for 10 years, please understand that living together is a whole new story. You see a side of your partner that you’ve never known before. Learn to accept that side. Share your interests with him and be involved in his. Enjoy your time together and take time out from everything else and spend some quality time together. That is what brings happiness to a relationship. Not expensive gifts or a big house.

This post is getting too long, so I’ll stop here. I asked Faizan to share his learnings through out the year so I can share a man’s perspective with you too. He shared a few things with me that blew my mind, but he is in Karachi for the next few days (boohoo for me) so I will wait till I see him again, rack his brain properly and then share whatever comes out of it.

And once again, a very very Happy New Year to all of you. May this year brings brings you insane amounts of peace and joy!