What My Parents Taught Me.

There are things your parents say that you don’t pay attention to or don’t really understand, but later you realize what they actually meant and they were actually looking out for you/not just trying to annoy you. Its feels like a big part of growing up.

There are also things that you understand instantly. As soon as you hear it, you get what they are saying adapt it almost instantly. These things come to you as second nature and you don’t remember ever not doing them or being that way. They don’t necessarily have to be life changing, its very basic everyday stuff that eventually plays a massive role in defining you as a person.

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Newly Married Mr and Mrs Zafar, hanging out in Quetta

Today, I am going to share a few things my parents taught me. These few things are like my skin to me. I don’t remember ever not knowing them and I couldn’t be more grateful to God for giving me parents who taught me things like these. They are very basic, very everyday type, but sometimes we all need a reminder. Felt like sharing it with you guys, so here it is.

  1. Shamelessly always be yourself. Never pretend to be someone you’re not, specially never to please anyone. My entire life I’ve seen my parents be the same, they don’t dress up for people, they don’t change their way of talking or walking among different people. Its always the same.  They don’t believe in faking anything at all. I am trying to do this now more than ever and I hope one day I can master this and be a 100% myself irrespective of my company or surroundings.
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  2. Don’t invest in things, invest in experiences. By far the best advice I’ve ever gotten. My parents don’t buy new things for the sake of it. EVER. Those of you who’ve been to my parents house would vouch for that. They won’t buy a new car because there’s a new model out, they won’t buy new clothes because the new lawn collection is “now available in stores”, they buy new shoes when the old ones are dead. My dad once told me he’d rather buy me a plane ticket to see the world than a designer dress, because I’d throw that dress away but that ticket would take me to a whole new world where I’d not only learn a lot but also make so many memories. Thinking about this consciously makes me realize how I still look back at my travels or fun times with friends and family but the expensive pair of shoes in my closet hold no sentimental value in my life.
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  3. Learn to do everything on your own. A lot of people find this odd (for some reason I will never be able to understand), but we never had house help at my parents place. Not even a maasi to do basic cleaning stuff. My mom still does everything by her own two hands: cooking, cleaning, dusting, washing etc (with help from my dad and siblings of course). She is a highly educated woman from a family that had their share of golden days. But she doesn’t feel ashamed. She doesn’t feel like she doesn’t belong or wiping the floor is beneath her. She taught her kids the same. All us siblings know how to cook, clean, wash etc, including my brother (I hate how I have to put this out alag se, but you know the intention). My dad makes the best mix sabzi in the world and he cooks it every few days and often finds victims who are force-fed till its all gone.
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  4. You and you alone are answerable for everything that you do. No one forced you to do anything. You can’t blame anyone. If you did something wrong, there are going to be consequences. If we ever tried to turn things around and blame someone else for our mistakes, there was always an ultay haath ka chapair waiting for us siblings.
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  5. Never take a loan. My parents have instilled this in my head so badly that even if I owe anyone Rs 10 its like a dagger hanging over my head. Not long ago I forgot to give money to a friend who bought something for me on my request and when she sent me a reminder, I felt genuinely ashamed and disgusted by myself. That’s how deep this goes.
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  6. You are independent and that comes with responsibilities. My parents have been the coolest parents in the history of ever. I almost never had a curfew, I was never allowed not to have guy friends, I was always allowed to go on sleepovers, parties, conferences and what not. The first time I traveled alone to another country, it was all the way to the other side of the world and I was only 19 years old. My parents always used 3 words that would stop me from doing anything I am not supposed to: We trust you. That is it. When your parents put in too much trust in you, you have to be a complete and total asshole to do anything to destroy that.
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  7. Dont Hold Grudges.
    You hurt yourself more than the person you are holding the grudge against so forgive and forget.

These things are my golden rules in life. Its insane how many times in a single day these rules are applicable. I am sure there are many many more that I will probably realize as I age and along the way I might make a few of my own too.

Would love to hear your favorite things your parents taught you. Tell me your secrets.

 

11 thoughts on “What My Parents Taught Me.

  1. umerrafi says:

    I am sorry but yes, it does sound odd that your mom never had house help provided that she was so educated and you guys were able to afford it.
    I guess that househelp has turned into more of a fashion these days. Many of my females cousins who are married and do jobs they have like 3-4 Massis stationed at their houses at a time. They feel shame in doing house chores.; after all, they are “working, self-sufficient and independent ladies” so it’s not their job. Plus they have hired ayyas and nannies who stay with their kids all day long and do all the stuff which I think should be done by parents like feeding, changing diapers and all that. I believe that this what makes the bond stronger between children and parents. And this is the problem with males as well, we also feel shame in doing house chores and taking care of children.

    Well, this a dilemma with the societies that are now entering the new world. We don’t know how to maintain balance. In the west, there is no such concept. Its a DIY world.

    I have a great respect for your mother especially for point number, But I am just curious to know that are you following in her footsteps? I see you are in a full-time job so how do you maintain the balance?

    Like

    • Rantsofadesibride says:

      Thank you for sharing your insights and for sending love to my mother 🙂

      I try to do as much as of my things myself as I can. At my in laws, they’ve always had house help, so naturally they find it difficult to manage without one. So we do have house help, but as far as my personal things and my room are concerned, I TRY to take care of as much as I can myself. Recently I’ve also gotten into the habit of making my own lunch to take to work, so I wake up early and cook myself rather than asking the house help. Since I am not used to people doing my work for me, it also makes me uncomfortable to have someone going in my room to clean or rearrange stuff. So I am trying, but i am not even half way where my mom is 🙂

      Like

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