As promised, I nagged Faizan till he gave up and decided to have a conversation with me about everything that he learned during the past one year as a married person.If you missed the post I did about my learnings, you can find it here.
So without wasting anymore time, I’ll get to his part right away.
Me: TELL ME WHAT YOU LEARNED DURING THIS PAST YEAR
Faizan: Ask me questions
Me: NO FAIZ. Just tell me.
Faizan: Tell you what?
Me: EVERYTHING YOU LEARNED.
Faizan: Okay. let me think.
Me: NO. NOW. (I am so annoying uff taubah.)
Now that you know the background, I’ll get down to what he said:
1. Communicate – At All Times
Communication is the key. Make sure you share everything about your day with your partner. Make them feel more involved in all parts of your life even the ones they don’t necessarily understand too well. Don’t hide anything thinking that the person might get mad or pissed off, tell them right away. How they react might just surprise you. Knowing that the person can completely trust you and you can completely trust them makes married life a lot more easier. No secrets, no matter what.
2. Respect And Love Your Wife
Its something so basic, but so so important in any marriage. You get respect when you give respect. your wife is not just any other person, its something you are bound for life with, in order for her to be happy, she needs and deserves to feel safe, loved and respected at all times. Do not cross the line, never say anything that would hurt her deeply or hurt her at all. You know what they say, happy wife = happy life and who doesn’t want a happy life eh?
3. Accept Her Family As Your Own
Its different for boys when it comes to accepting the wife’s family. The girl usually moves in and its just a matter of time before she learns to care and love for our families like she does her for her own because they spend so much time together, living in the same house. However, since our interaction with the in laws is relatively limited (I am talking from my own experience, being in a different city) it takes a little more time. Be nice to them. Respect them like your own family. And NEVER EVER say anything mean or hurtful about them anywhere. Not to your wife, not to your friends, not to your own family, not even to yourself. Its just wrong and extremely hurtful to them and your partner.
4. Appreciate. Always Appreciate.
Its very easy to get stuck in a cycle where your wife does everything for you and you just make it a part of your routine and don’t acknowledge it as something nice/special. Wrong. Always appreciate, even the smallest of things. She has the option of not bringing you breakfast but she does that herself rather than simply asking the maid or asking you to do it yourself. Appreciate that. I have a very hectic work schedule (most of you know that, thanks snapchat!) but not once did Fauzia ever complain because she understands but if she didn’t I would make her understand and then appreciate her for being so patient. I have always been so at peace from that side that I never had to worry about late sittings. I never said it enough initially but now I make it a point to do that and I can see her mood change entirely just by hearing those few nice words.
5. Be Supportive
Its pretty self explanatory, the statement, so I’ll share our own story with you here. Fauzia is a full time blogger now. Blogs are very slow and it takes along time before you establish a proper audience and monetize your work. She has always been extremely career oriented (which is one of the things I love about her) and worked at some really amazing places, being independent, earning a lot of money. From that to completely switching to this seemed a little weird and even I couldn’t understand it though my own sister did the exact same thing. People don’t see blogging as a real career here in Pakistan and in all honestly neither did I. But then I saw her passion for it and how invested she was into this whole thing. I started reading all her posts regularly, liking them to show my appreciation and very often gave her feedback, both good and bad. I really like how she feels confident enough about choosing this field now and it shows how every time I take a stand for her or I tell her how much I liked something she posted she gets more motivated. Goes on to show how much a husband’s support means to a wife and I hope I support her the same way in all her life and career decisions.
6. Travel Together
You learn so much about a person when you travel with them. It doesn’t have to be abroad or to an expensive, fancy place. Anywhere works. Just take out the time, save some money and go travel.
7. Spend Quality Time Together
For someone with a busy work schedule its not easy to do much together on a daily basis.So what you should do is find that one thing that you both have in common and commit to it. Like watching an episode of your favorite TV show before sleeping, going out for a small drive, go get juice or coffee or ice cream, play one hand of cards. This time is essential for you both as a couple and also helps you forget about your stressful day and makes your partner happy. Makes up for all the lost time and its really easy to do too.
8. Remember, Being Married is a LOT Of Fun
I remember how before getting married I often felt really worried about all the responsibility that was coming with the wife, but Alhamdulillah having a good partner in life really washes away all these concerns. I married my friend, someone who loves and understands me at all times and that makes me realize how much difference a good wife can make in your life. Doing small things together everyday, watching movies, ordering food, fighting over who fills the water bottle at night, just sitting and discussing world issues or watching funny videos on youtube – everything is fun. I’d do it again if I could (before she subjects me to domestic violence) with Fauzia of course. LOL.
9. Be proud of being her husband
Introduce her to your friends, your colleagues. Be proud of the person that she is. Accept her with all her flaws and all the differences. Accept her importance in your life as a partner, a friend, a guide.
Thats it from me. Its all pretty generic, but I hope you people enjoy and learn something from it! Bye now.